I talked to a very dear, long time friend today who has also suffered a major loss and she encouraged me to make sure I keep journaling & blogging . . . I told her I haven’t blogged since mommy passed away and that I would blog soon and continue to. I didn’t know that soon would be in the same day

With all that’s going on in our world today on top of moving mommy’s things out of her room I am a total wreck . . . I can’t stop the tears from falling and I promised myself that I wouldn’t! I promised myself that I would allow myself to grieve how I need to grieve and that’s exactly what I’m going to do

As the tears fall I can’t pick up a pen to journal but what I did do was pick up my phone and blog…

I have tons of memories and tons of pictures and videos of mommy dearest but non of it is the same as having her here in my presence where I can see her and touch her and and not only tell her I love her but show her I love her

As I knelt to pray I said out loud I wish I would have hugged you more mommy I wish I would have talked to you more I wish I would did more but what more could I have done what more could I have said that she would have understood 👀

Alzheimer’s is cruel cruel cruel and it took away the only person that can love me the way that only a mother can and for that I HATE YOU ALZHEIMER’S

You took away my forever favorite gurl and in this very moment I Am mad as hell at you ..

I am angry I am hurting I am numb I am void I am empty I am sad I am pissed I am an emotional wreck but on the flip side I am filled with joy love and peace all the things that God gives me daily … all of the things that the Holy Spirit whispers is mine in every second of every moment that I am missing mommy

God thank you

My Trio (God, Mommy Dearest & Grandma Maggie) y’all are truly getting this little chic together and with everything within me I will make you ALL proud

Mommy if only I could walk in your room and see you, if only I could rub your face and tell you goodnight tonight, if only I could whisper I love you and see that smile that you would give me to let me know that you understood exactly what I was saying to you although you couldn’t respond back

If only 😪

But I rest in the fact that my God, your God, our God don’t make no mistakes

Your in Heaven with the Father…..Alzheimer’s free, fully restored and praying for me daily

I have to find some peace in that and I do BUT I MISS YOU MOMMY DEAREST 😘 Like Crazy …

A combination of dealing with a very rude representative today regarding some of your final matters, as well as passing by your empty bedroom because I’m in the process of letting go of most of your things pushed me all the way over today…but I needed this release … it’s been brewing for a few days …

All is Well

I promise to forever keep you alive in my heart and my memories mommy … the world will know who Bessie Lucille Smith was and is 💜💜💜

God, thank you for this sweet release . . . Ths tears have stopped and my heart isn’t as heavy . . . I Love You Mommy Always & Forever

P.S. no spell check or grammar check was done and I’m totally OK with that … hope you, my readers are too